There are moments in life so great that we as human beings don’t have the words to describe them. I am a human (or so I like to tell people) so how can I describe the greatest moment of my life just through the mere use of words? Well, since this blog is for my writing and writing is created through words, I think I will try.
Let me set the scene for you here. Like I always do.
I am currently 36,000 feet up in the air sitting on a Qatar Airlines flight with a lady sleeping to my left and my husband watching Fast and Furious to my right. Currently, this jazzy map in front of me tells me we are flying over Urmia. I can safely say I have no idea where in the world that is. My geography is rather rubbish you see. How cool is it that I am able to post this from thousands of feet up in the air?! Modern technology eh?
Anyway, I’ve just cried my eyes out watching a gem of a movie called The Best Marigold Hotel using up the airline’s entire tissue supply sniffling away. I’ve been wanting to watch this film for so long but haven’t ever had the time. I love it when you sit on a plane and find something that you have been wanting to watch for so long on the entertainment system. Not like I have anywhere to go up here eh?
The human in front of me has just decided to make full use of his extendable seat facility and is currently lying on my lap. How lovely. Meanwhile I’m sitting upright like a door for heavens sake too polite to inconvenience the poor fellow behind me. I don’t like crushing people’s knees with sudden movements like SOME people, naming no names. Okay I’m referring to the guy in front of me in the purple polo shirt. I hope he doesn’t ever read this.
So yeah, I watched the film and sobbed my heart out. For many reasons. Firstly, the film is based in Jaipur in India and those who know me know how much I want to travel all over the country so you can imagine my delight. I started to imagine myself as a wee 80 year old finally getting to visit India but not in my youth, a little too late trying to relive my glory days. The thought simply freaked me out so I shook Atteeq rigorously and said ‘PLEASE CAN WE GO TO INDIA SOON?’
His response towards my psychotic behaviour was an expressionless blinking of the eyelids in my direction. I know him well enough to know that translated this means ‘yes we will go one day even though you have asked me this a million times, now shut up and wipe your runny nose’.
So I did.
Okay, the lady in front of Atteeq just landed in his lap. I just snorted. Serves him right for laughing when it happened to me. Take that Mr 6ft2. I’m sure your legs won’t be numb by the time we touch down at Heathrow in five hours and six minutes. Just kidding, they will be numb. We have been married for all but two weeks and already I’m giggling at this man I’m spending my life with being in pain. Hello Cruella De Mulberry.
Moving on swiftly, whilst I was watching the film, a dialogue was repeated during it many times.
“Things will always be okay in the end. But if they are not okay, then it is not the end”.
Apparently this is a well known Indian saying. Sounds like something a cheeseball like me would come up with. Believe it or not it is this saying that has inspired me to write this post and tell all two and a half of you who read my writing about some changes that have taken place in my life recently.
On the 26th of July 2015, I shared my wedding day with Atteeq. We had our Islamic ceremony last year so he was already my husband. But this, this was the big send off my parents wanted to give me. After a year of being husband and wife but not actually living together, I finally walked down the aisle with my two brothers on either side of me and saw my husband sitting in the not so far distance. He was waiting. For me.
In that moment, I felt as though I was in a movie. There were over 400 guests in the room sharing the moment with us but I didn’t notice them during my walk down the aisle. All I could see was one person sitting nervously, wearing a red turban and a cute smile on his face. I of course was trying very hard to do the whole; shy, demure bride routine I was told to do so profoundly by my nearest and dearest.
It lasted all but a second until I laid eyes on my husband and nobody could wipe that smile off my face. My brothers handed me over to my father who then passed me over to Atteeq. Time stopped for a few seconds but once reality sunk in, I looked around to see members of both our families wiping tears of happiness. It really did not sink in at that moment that this was all for us. That this gathering, the months of preparation and the endless arguments about outfits, decor and guest list were for this moment.
That day is something that I will remember as the greatest day of my life for as long as I can remember.
After that everything was a whirlwind.
I left my family and although I cried my heart out leaving them, I don’t think I quite gathered what was actually happening. The next day I flew down to my new home with my husband dressed to the nines through Glasgow airport. I dressed up for the next few days and extended family and neighbours came to view me. I smiled and spoke about everything from the unnecessary 24ct gold I was wearing to the awful issues one has trying to get a good seamstress these days.
The week passed and then we did it all over again. This time for our walima. A second wedding reception, hosted by Atteeq’s parents to announce our marriage to all their family and friends. There were only around 800 of them there to wish us but to be honest I didn’t even mind? We had the best night and it was amazing seeing my family after a whole five days. Both of our families went to such effort throughout the wedding that I just felt like the luckiest chick around to bee haich.
Fast forward to a couple of days later and there I was, lying on a sun lounger in front of a beach, in the Maldives.
Precisely that moment, is when it hit me.
I was married. I was married to someone who lives 400 miles away from my family and friends. I was married and would always be living hundreds of miles away from my family and friends. It was almost like a slap in the face, the way that this notion hit me. Part of me thought, well duh, how can you only just realise this now?
But you know how sometimes we get so caught up in our happiness that even though we have thought through everything a million and one times, you still get a shock when the change finally happens? By no means was I ever in a false lull of what getting married would mean for me logistically. I always knew I would be moving extremely far away from my family. But still, I felt constricted as these thoughts swirled through my head and I almost panicked?
So, there I was sitting in front of this turquoise sea and white sandy beach thinking OMG I THINK I’M HAVING A PANIC ATTACK. I started to think about how I would miss seeing my nieces Aafiyah and Zohra growing up. How I would not be there to witness moments such as Affi announcing ‘Gus is eatin’ me’, the two year old that she is. Gus being our cat. It dawned on me that I would not be able to have Saavdhan India marathons with my sister even though that programme drives me insane. I would not be able to fight with my brother over fuel and him taking my car without asking me first because it’s not my car anymore, it’s his. I would not be able to pester my youngest brother to get out of bed to do my blog photos because I simply will not have the luxury of having him around. More than anything though, the one that nearly had me wanting to go back home on day one of our honeymoon was when I gave a thought to my parents. I don’t think I will provide you with any examples of all that I will miss out on with them, it might make me cry.
As I sat there roasting away, finally getting some solitude away from the hustle and bustle of wedding houses, I finally had time to think. I guess that’s when it finally hit me. I was married.
The point I’m making here girls is, it will hit you. It will hit you when you are least expecting it. No matter how in love you are. No matter how happy you are in your new married life, just as I am. No matter how ready to move on you are. No matter how ready for marriage you are. No matter how ready for change you are, when it finally happens. You will panic.
But that’s okay.
We as humans don’t like change. Even when we crave it, we eventually want normality back. But change has to take place in order for life to keep moving doesn’t it? I could have sat there panicking about not being able to just pop down to my mum’s whenever I wanted. I could have cried like a baby and spoilt poor Atteeq’s honeymoon. But instead I took a deep breath and turned to my left and saw a big, tall guy lying in the lounger next to me with a pile of sun tan lotion nestling in his beard whilst he basked in the sun.
Remember I was talking about moments? Well in that moment after my hour long dramatic thoughts of I CAN’T COPE WITH ALL THIS CHANGE, I realised something.
Everything would be alright.
As long as I have the guy who doesn’t rub his sun tan lotion into his face properly with me forever, I will be alright. Insha’Allah.
Life is all about perspective. Some of you reading this might feel sad about all that us girls have to leave behind when we get married. Some of you might read this and see this as a positive thing. After all, we can’t latch on to our parents forever can we?
To all those of you getting married or who are newly married. Hold on tight to this time. Cherish it. It is going by so fast I am scared to blink incase it’s all a dream. Your wedding day will go by so quickly you will wonder if it even happened?
Yes, I am sad to be away from my loved ones. But I am so happy to begin this new adventure with my best friend who also happens to be my husband. As an added bonus he’s quite easy on the eyes too so I’m laughing! I should say Masha’Allah.
Now, as we fly back from our honeymoon, I am not feeling panicking or constricted. I am feeling excited about the change and all that is to come. Lots and lots. We are about to go on a new adventure that I am extremely excited to share with you all but I will save that for another day.
For now, I’m going to look through some of my honeymoon photos and do some editing. See, even on my honeymoon I took some #ootd shots just for you guys because I’m nice like that. I look like a coffee bean btw, think I may have overdone it with that Maldivian sun.
I have lots to share about our Maldivian experience but for now I bid you farewell. I can’t wait to touch down in London and see all our family who are waiting eagerly for us with home cooked food and lots of chat. Then, at the weekend, I am going back to Glasgow to visit my family with my new family. I can hardly wait.
Everyone is sleeping on this plane whilst I have poured my heart out using nothing but a tiny bit of phone light.
I am going to watch A Cinderella Story now. The one with Hilary Duff before she got her veneers.