I am actually fed up of the ‘W’ word so much that I hate it even being brought up by anyone. That said, I myself can bring it up whenever I want and go on and on about it. That’s just the unwritten code for every bride to be and anyone who has a problem with it shouldn’t ever voice this unless they want a shoe making contact with their eye.
Weddings are difficult enough to organise but for most Asian girls this is usually the first time they will ever move from their parents house. I say usually because this is not the case for all girls anymore. Things are changing and lots of girls fly the parental nest before their wedding. However, I am speaking more for myself in this post and any others that are in the same boat as me. Lots of non Asian girls may relate to some parts of this post too so I don’t want to pigeon hole my writing for certain types of people. Again, I myself come from a Pakistani background so I will be writing from my own experiences which I hope some of you can relate to and find this helpful.
Recently, I received a long email from a lovely follower who is also getting married. She said that she was struggling to find any material online within the blogging/vlogging world which would advise girls about the transition from her parents home to her new home with her husband. She wondered if I would do a post on this and since I am the queen of organisation and have been working on this transition for the last few months – I thought I would share a few tips about how you can make this transition easier for yourself. Now, a lot of this may be pretty obvious but as this is a requested post by someone who said she doesn’t even know where to begin with, I’m taking it back to basics today.
Moving is hard for anyone but for me the transition involves around 400 miles as my husband lives in the south of England which definitely isn’t down the road for me. Popping round back to my mum’s to pick up my favourite shoes or top will unfortunately not be an option so it is imperative that I take all my important belongings.
Tip 1 – Make a list of the things you want to take which you already own.
Do this before you start making a list of the things that you still need to buy (more on this later!). The other day my husband was showing me his belongings and showed me one large wardrobe and said ‘all my life’s belongings are in here, this is it’. At this point visions of my 4 fitted wardrobes, six drawer chest, shoe cupboard and general things all over my entire house came to mind. Uh oh I thought. This may be an issue. I have so many things it is unbelievable. But when I started thinking about the move around 6 months ago I was very quick to realise that I can’t take it all with me. It is sad in a way but girls it’s the perfect time to have a massive clear out. I have been clearing out the things I don’t need for months. I have sold some of it, given some to charity and kept the most key things. In terms of shoes I have really downsized and kept the pairs I know I will definitely use. Clothes again, I am only taking the newest items because I have bought so much new stuff that realistically speaking I probably won’t use that dress that’s been lying there for 9 months at the back of my wardrobe when I will be buying so many new things.
Tip 2 – Buy a good set of suitcases.
My mother was most excited about our trip to Debenhams where we settled on Tripp luggage. It’s pricey but will last you for years. I bought 2 large, 2 medium and one cabin luggage trolley. It’s a good idea to allocate each suitcase for different things. For example, one of the medium suitcases was automatically allocated for the honeymoon so that one will be packed in advance for the Maldives and will only have holiday stuff in it. The small cabin luggage trolley will have all my things packed for the day of the wedding and this is what I will take with me to the hotel where I will be staying with my sister the night before the wedding and getting ready there. For example, my pyjamas, toiletries, wedding shoes etc will all be in there. This leaves me with three suitcases to pack all of my things. With Pakistani culture, as many of you will already know, a bride is expected to make a huge effort with her clothes and jewellery for at least a couple of weeks after the wedding. This is not something that is easy for me because I find it bizarre waking up and getting decked to the nines for no apparent reason. However, it keeps the elders happy and if it makes them smile then why not? I’m sure I can glam up a bit for a couple of weeks in Asian wear. My tip here is, organise all of these outfits before hand. I have packed around 12 different outfits (all ironed and popped into plastic packaging – thanks to my big cousin for doing all of this!) with matching jewellery in one of the suitcases. This means I will have everything in one place when I want to wear the outfits and won’t need to open suitcase after suitcase or drag out boxes.
Tip 3 – If possible send some of your things to your new home beforehand.
It means you will be organised but also means your mum won’t have to see her daughter leaving her and taking all her belongings with her as well all in the same day. It sounds silly, I know, but every time my mums seems me packing things into a suitcase or clearing out my wardrobes, she gets so emotional? I can only imagine what she would be like if she saw all of my things being removed from my room on the day of my wedding. Best to get that one organised beforehand is possible.
Tip 4 – Make lists.
I love a list. I have made so many over the last year I have lost count. Make a list of all the new things you will need to buy. For example, my sister and I share GHD straighteners as lots of sisters do. But moving to a different part of the country means we can no longer share them. So that’s something that might need to be on your list. A new hairdryer? Make a list of your toiletries. I have made a list of things such as shampoo, conditioner, moisturiser etc because realistically speaking you will not have the time after your wedding to go shopping for this stuff. Have it all organised beforehand, enough to last you a few weeks for sure.
Tip 5 – Take a day out to sort out important documents/papers.
I took out a day last month to make up a file of important papers that I definitely don’t want to misplace during the move and want them all in one place to take with me. I’m talking birth certificate, university degree, bills, phone contract papers, tax documents etc. Everything that is of importance – file it! This was also a good exercise because I ended up binning so many papers that I didn’t need at all and had been hoarding for years.
Tip 6 – Make up a box of all your sentimental things.
The last thing you want to do is leave all your wee things behind and they get lost never to be found again. For example, I have so many photos on my pin board, other little memories like plane tickets from trips around in the world. Make up a memory box of the most important things because if you’re like me you might have a truckload of them. As much as you might want to keep receipts from 15 years ago because of some significance, just remember – you will now be SHARING a room and that wardrobe isn’t all yours. Don’t know how I’m ever going to get used to this one. I have tried negotiating a 75%/25% ratio using my best sad face but it’s not worked so far so I won’t hold my breath.
Tip 7 – Buy new things wisely.
Weddings are expensive and money is tight at this time but there are some definite new items that I would recommend you all buy. For example, new towels. There is nothing like a new bale of towels so invest in a good set and pack them in! A good steam iron, hairdryer, new underwear, pyjamas etc. These are things you will all be doing anyway but I just thought I’d add this in because a lot of Asian mummies will want to buy their daughters new EVERYTHING. My mum is itching to buy me a dinner set with all the works. This just isn’t practical for us right now because we have nowhere to put said dinner set so I have talked her out of it. I would rather use up all my luggage space with my personal belongings like clothes and shoes, not a food processor I don’t need right now. Lots of mums will want to buy household appliances and if you have your own new place sorted beforehand then great take everything you can get but some of you may be moving in with in laws or even abroad after marriage so it might just not work. Make a list of essentials like I said previously and ask your mum to buy you them because she will just want to buy you something if she is anything like mamma Mulberry.
Tip 8 – Ask your husband to ensure there is empty wardrobe/drawer space for when you arrive.
The last thing you want to be doing is moving in and having to move his stuff around. If you have your own empty side of the wardrobe then it will be easier to just slot things in. Make sure you buy some decent hangers and pack them in with you! My plan is to unpack all my clothes and just hang them straight in because I can’t stand living out of a suitcase even for an hour.
Tip 9 – If you are packing things into boxes and moving them then write down what is in each box and keep a note of how many there are altogether.
The last thing you want is for some removals company to lose your collection of Vogue magazines! I genuinely don’t think I will be able to take mine and my heart breaks every time I think about this. Sighs.
Tip 10 – Organise a day about a week before the wedding where you rope in your nearest and dearest and have the biggest clear up of your life.
I’m talking clean out every wardrobe, pack everything that’s left, wash your carpets and have your room as tidy as possible. You want your last week in the home you have spent your entire life in to be pleasant and stress free. You want your space to be clear not filled with boxes and suitcases with things lying around everywhere. Have everything organised before hand and just enjoy your last week at home, in YOUR room before you have to start saying OUR room.
I hope this helped some of you bride to be’s out there. Just remember – everything will fall into place on the day!